Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The Religion of Wrestling

Jason Whisman asks, Neil deGrasse Tyson was doing a lecture on how he looked upon the universe and was drawn to it, and felt a sudden burst of emotion and wonder. Very similar to a religious awakening. He went on to say that science to him was what God is to religious people. I wonder, could wrestling do that for people? Could it bring an awakening or sense of belonging? We have a documented history which a lot of people study (like science or the Bible). We have role models that might not be perfect in all aspects, but we mark out for them nonetheless (like religious people do for Jesus and the Apostles). We have versions of Heaven (WWE, Japan) and versions of Hell (backyard wrestling, $5 Wrestling). So, technically, could pro wrestling be a sort of religion?

Well Jason, it is for me. In lieu of religion, there is philosophy, and the search for God in the minutiae. In other words, it is human nature that we search for the essence of God in things. The dogma, the rules, the language. The closest thing to what we, wrestlers, do, are strippers and preachers. Strippers are unquestionably workers. They suck you into their world, they make themselves the most important thing, not just in the room, but in the world at that moment. A stripper runs a shine, a heat, a false comeback, and finally, cheats the mark of victory, but still leaves them unable to wait to return. Regardless of whether a stripper is actually attractive or not, they convince you that they are the hottest thing in the universe, literally dripping with sex appeal. Why? Because strippers think they are the hottest thing in the world. It's all confidence. Besides, you should never go to the strip club to see the strippers. Go to see the women in the audience get naked. That's the swerve. Ultimately, it was dicks and pussy that ruined both the Garden of Eden and wrestling. I digress.

If wrestling is our religion, a significant other should understand that, just as he or she wouldn't ask us to give up Christianity, Judaism, or any other form of belief, to some of us wrestling is that religion. Dick and pussy can ruin that for us. Ruin its purity by distracting us from prayer. People see the passion a true artist has for the business and try to own it. When they can’t, they attempt to destroy it. It's not that your significant other doesn't want you to love wrestling, it's that they don't want you to love anything more than them.

Preachers have you convinced they are in touch with God. Why? Because they absolutely believe it. When you go to a preacher he tells you he hates the way you live, the way you spend your money, the way you raise your children. And you still come back the next week. That's classic heel work. They tell you they dislike every aspect of your life and you come back to get heat on yourself all over again the next week. Preachers are heels. Watch the first ten minutes of The Last Exorcism, tell me it isn't the exact advice you've read in my articles on gimmicks, promos, and making the fans believe.

Morality plays will always work. The Bible is just a booking sheet to get over an agenda. If you read the Old Testament, it's all about a booker putting himself over. So much so, he had to create a heel, because he was so overpowering that no one could get any heat on him. So he gives up the book to his son and everyone gets to run heat on him until the big comeback: Revelations.

Religion is found anywhere passion exists. So, yes, there are plenty of comparisons. Sales at the gimmick table are paying tithes to the baby face savior.

As far as comparative truths, you mentioned $5 Wrestling and backyard wrestling, but aren’t there offshoots of religions? Snake handlers and tent revivals, which aren't the accepted norm, but faith flows from them, be it misplaced or not.

Often, the boys getting fucked over. The only thing an indie wrestler loves more than a push is getting fucked. It adds to their martyrdom. All faiths love a martyr.

Isn't the baby face preaching to some degree? Isn't he center stage, under the lights, fighting the good fight? Not only for himself, but the betterment of the world? But alas, the baby is only as strong as the roadblock in front of him. A baby face must tap into the righteous fire, the indignation of refusing to compromise their values. Same as a fire and brimstone preacher. Save them all, or we all perish.

At the end of the day, what is religion? An ideology that gives those who participate a sense of belonging. Something that gives those who don’t believe a reason to scorn those who do. A search for a higher truth. I’d say pro wrestling fits those parameters.

Until next time,
-AWV

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